I am wrriting this as Malcolm is not well enough. He has constant headaches and is not eating as much as he should. As Chemo starts on Wed this is worrying for me. He had been doing well and we have spent several days out but no sooner does he improve then the wretched disease takes over again or the side effects of the many pills he has been popping. One tablet for example means he can’t take his blood pressure tablets and so his BP is too high and high BP means headaches that he cannot cope with. You cant win. I feel really frustrated now and feel Wed onwards will be bad. I am also getting very impatient with Malcolm and accusing him of giving in and not working through these symptoms and at least trying to eat which is wrong of me I know. Depression is not a good thng for a carer either so I need to be stronger than ever and it is getting harder for me now as well. I am so glad I have God with me to talk to as I do not think I could cope anymore without faith. Sorry this is so depressing but living with illness makes you that way sometimes and I am being honest here not holier than thou.