Well I was supposed to be, but I’ve had a migraine 2 mornings in a row. I’ve got the Sumatriptan tablets, but they take time to kick in and leave me blury for a while.
It’s probably tension. Yes I am chewed up. I may have a true British stiff upper lip, but it’s sitting above a floppy wobbly lower one. It’s usually associated with waking up late, so tonight I’ll go to bed late and set the alarm for 6am.
The Drama Group techies were round tonight having fun with the electronics. They start recording the whodunit serial wot I wrote, on Wednesday. (No I didn’t mean I wrote it on Wednesday. I’m not Ernie Wise.) Hopefully I’ll be there for that recording, but I clearly won’t make the others. (Late flash, there’s a clash with the local Community Assoc who also have a valid call on my time that night – Oh what it is to be popular.)
I hope this next bit doesn’t offend anyone, but I don’t always find it encouraging when people say “I’m sure you’ll get through, you’re a fighter.” There’s lots of people praying for you (if people of various faiths) or else lots of people supporting you (if people of various agnosticisms).
It’s well meant, but I know that good people die. People better than me die. People with far more support (whether prayers of faith or sincerely agnostic best wishes) they die as well. The hard fact is it could be me.
There’s a place in the gospels where someone asked Jesus, “What about those people killed recently when that tower fell on them?” Presumably they expected some sort of denuciation, those dead people must have been terrible sinners for God to have allowed that to happen, or maybe they expected some smug religious cant about it being all for the best, if only we could see the whole picture. What they got was Jesus saying, “do you think they were any worse than anyone else around, remember everyone must all answer for what we do”. They just have to answer a bit earlier than the rest of us.
I might have to answer for myself a bit earlier as well. Probably not, the odds are on my side, but it is still a gamble, and no-one knows the how the dice will fall. It’s just that the alternative is not a gamble, it’s a dead certainty.
Maybe that’s what I can use as a motto as I go into the theatre. “Alea iacta est” (“The die is cast”) Nicked from Suetonius and Julius Caesar via Asterisk the Gaul.