Sep 282016

In 8 hours time I start the second chemo. According to the medics, finishing this course is one of the biggest indicat0rs of who gets to live. Most don’t finish the course.For some who drop out it will be just weariness at the long process. They are tired. And I understand how they feel, because I’m tired. Sometimes I want to give up, then my wife shouts at me (well it is her job to do that!)

For some they have no choice, they have lost too much weight, and any more chemo might cure the cancer, but kill the patient.  That must be scary, and it must also be terrible to know that your chances of living have just gone down significantly.  Hopefully that won’t be me, bcause I’m gaining weight, and I got through the last 2 cycles of the preop chemo very well.  But I don’t know that yet.

I can understand those who do give up.  Anyone who criticises them as cowards or weak-willed, or simply “not of sound mind” just has no idea.

Try living with pain. No, the drugs don’t stop it all, and all medication comes with a price, the side effects which mess your body up almost as badly as the illness does.

But I made a decision, and I’m going to stick to it.  As I’ve said before, I’ve placed a bet. One year of my life to win many more.  May God keep my resolution firm.

Because if I give up it will hurt too many people whom I love.  I know what I’m talking about, because I’ve seen it happen in other people.  I don’t want that.

 Posted by at 12:50 am

  4 Responses to “Tomorrow it starts”

  1. Good luck Malcolm we’ll be thinking of you.
    Re your query..
    Oxycodone is a class A controlled drug in the UK and possession without it being issued on a prescription is an offence accordingly. A few years ago it was known as “Hillbilly heroin” by the press. It’s at least 50% stronger than morphine (depending on how you take it). Street prices when I last had any dealings with it were about £10-£30 per tab depending on strength (may well be considerably more now.
    Not much help I know but may be of some interest.

    • Thanks Peter,

      So when I took back the unused 35 tablets at 5mg and the 30 unused tablets at 10mg, I would have been walking around with about £1K to £2K of class A drugs in my pocket, and that is at old prices of several years ago.

      And the same amount had been sitting on my bedroom table for several weeks.

      That is seriously scary.

  2. Good luck with it Malcolm, try to stay firm.
    S x

  3. Keep strong. I am praying for you every day, for strength and healing and that you will know that God is there with you for n the good times and the bad.

    Remember the old story about the man looking back at his life laid out as footprints in the sand. There were two sets of footprints for much of the journey, his and Jesus. Occasionally he saw only one set… and that was at the darkest times in his life. So he asked Jesus why there was only one set at those terrible times. Jesus said: “Don’t you remember? You were so fed up… so I said ‘Lets hop!”

    Keep hopping!

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