In 8 hours time I start the second chemo. According to the medics, finishing this course is one of the biggest indicat0rs of who gets to live. Most don’t finish the course.For some who drop out it will be just weariness at the long process. They are tired. And I understand how they feel, because I’m tired. Sometimes I want to give up, then my wife shouts at me (well it is her job to do that!)
For some they have no choice, they have lost too much weight, and any more chemo might cure the cancer, but kill the patient. That must be scary, and it must also be terrible to know that your chances of living have just gone down significantly. Hopefully that won’t be me, bcause I’m gaining weight, and I got through the last 2 cycles of the preop chemo very well. But I don’t know that yet.
I can understand those who do give up. Anyone who criticises them as cowards or weak-willed, or simply “not of sound mind” just has no idea.
Try living with pain. No, the drugs don’t stop it all, and all medication comes with a price, the side effects which mess your body up almost as badly as the illness does.
But I made a decision, and I’m going to stick to it. As I’ve said before, I’ve placed a bet. One year of my life to win many more. May God keep my resolution firm.
Because if I give up it will hurt too many people whom I love. I know what I’m talking about, because I’ve seen it happen in other people. I don’t want that.